Never Really Gone
by AiLing
Summary: My contribution to Omelia angst week - day 2 on Tumblr Amelia never really left Owen alone
**This is my contribution to the Omelia angst week- day 2
**

My heart flutters with pride and excitement as I stand in front of the aisle with this beautiful young woman beside me. The crowd is waiting in anticipation for us to walk down the aisle.

' You ready Char?' I ask her.

She takes a deep breath in.

'I'm nervous' she whispers.

' Don't be.' I whisper back. ' You see David standing over there? He looking at you smiling now. He can't wait for you to walk down the aisle towards him. He can't wait to share a lifetime with you. Question is- are you ready to share a lifetime with him?'

Charlotte looks back at me, smiling, her dimples showing. I swear, she looks like the exact clone of her mother when she does that. Which breaks my heart at times.

' Yes I am, dad.' she replies , now with confidence.

I smile back at her and link my arm with hers, ready to walk her down the aisle. As daunting as the thought of giving her up to another man is, I know she'll be in good hands and that he'll take good care of her as I've done for the past 28 years. Out of the corner of my eye , I can see Meredith, Maggie, Bailey, Richard, Alex , April, Arizona and the rest of the Seattle gang waiting in anticipation.

Then, for a split second I think I see Amelia in the crowd. With her dark, wavy, shoulder length hair and dimples, smiling back at me and our daughter. I must be imagining it though, because she can't possibly be there. She had gone to heaven 26 years ago.

* * *

 **[Flashback a few hours ago]**

' Charlotte, your dad is here!' Meredith calls out after opening the bedroom door for me. Both she and Maggie are busy applying makeup for her and doing her hair, preparing her for her big day.

My beautiful daughter turns around to greet me.

' Hey dad' she smiles, her dimples, which she inherited from her mother showing. My heart skips a beat as I look at her. With her dark wavy curls, the makeup and the beautiful white wedding dress, she looks exactly the same like how Amelia looked on our wedding day. I can never forget our wedding day because Amelia looked so beautiful that day.

' Hey Char- sorry to interrupt your wedding preparation- but I have something for you.' I pass her a letter with Amelia's handwriting on it, and proceed to wear the necklace on her neck.

' This,' I say ' Is from your mom. She told me to give it to you on your wedding day.'

Charlotte gasps in awe. ' It's beautiful dad!' she exclaims.

It is beautiful indeed. It's a silver necklace with a sapphire pendant, which still glistens in the light after all this years.

I vividly remember the day Amelia asked me to give Charlotte the necklace. It was the night after Charlotte's first birthday , 3 months after Amelia was diagnosed with the deadly leukemia. We had just retired to our bedroom after spending the part half an hour watching Charlotte sleep in her crib. Amelia had reached into her dressing table drawer and pulled out the beautiful necklace.

' _Owen, I want you to give this necklace to our daughter on her wedding day.' she said._

' _Why can't you give it to her yourself Mia?' I ask, refusing to take the beautiful necklace away from her._

' _Well, because I don't know how much longer I have to live.' Amelia replied sadly. ' The haematologist gave me about 3 months. '_

 _I shake my head vigorously, not wanting to accept what she is saying. ' No, I exclaim in disbelief. ' No! He is lying!'_

 _Amelia placed her hands on my chest and looked up at me._

' _No Owen.' she said. ' I am dying. I am getting weaker and weaker each day and we both know it. I couldn't even last a whole 15 minutes without taking a break during the party today. You have to go on without me. Both you and Charlotte. You both will be fine.' I shake my head again in denial._

' _Take good care of her, Owen' she repeats. ' And give this necklace to her on her wedding day to remind her that I'll always be there for her in her heart.'_

Over the next few months, Amelia's health deteriorated rapidly. She went from being able to walk slowly to being wheelchair bound, then bed bound. Her hair fell off and she was constantly committing, a side effect of the chemotherapy treatment she was taking. The last month of her life, she couldn't even hold or feed Charlotte anymore. The last night of her life, I disregarded the rule not bring small children into the ICU- and carried Charlotte to her bedside. She opened her eyes, forced a smile, and lifted her hands slightly to wave at us. Her hands then dropped back down and she was gone. I wanted to wail but I couldn't. I was just frozen in my spot. All I could do was to hold her cold hands until a nurse entered the room.

My first year as a single father was really challenging for me. I had to set aside my grief and be strong for Charlotte. My bouts of crying were reserved for the lonely nights in the bedroom when no one was watching, and I was aching to feel her warm body beside me and to run my hands down her hair one more time. I felt empty inside, it was like she took a piece of me away with her. Throughout the years I juggled work and fatherhood. I had to get Charlotte ready every morning and prepare breakfast for her before sending her off to school. I willingly shuttled her to her ballet classes and her soccer practices when I am off duty and usually I was the only dad there waiting amongst the moms. I was very lucky that I had a whole group of people- including Meredith, Maggie, April, Callie and Arizona who were willing to help me out with taking care of Charlotte.

One day when Charlotte was 5 years old, I was spring cleaning the house. I finally decided to open Amelia's dressing drawer and clear off some of her things, something which I had put off for several years as I didn't want to get rid off any reminder I have left of her. Inside the drawer , aside from her cosmetic products which had collected dust, I spotted a white envelope which was also dusty. It was addressed to me in Amelia's scrawly handwriting. Just seeing her handwriting filled the hole in my heart a little.

' _Dear Owen ,_

 _If you find this letter, this means that I'm gone. Please do not miss me when I am gone. Please don't cry for me, because I'm fine up here. If you're reading this, I'm smiling down at you from heaven, with my dad and Derek and my unicorn baby. Please don't cry for me, because I've lived a full life. I'm so blessed to have meet you and our daughter. You both complete my life. Please take good care of Charlotte for me. Be strong for her. Protect her from the big bad world out there for as long as you can- be her first love. Be there for her for her first day of school, first date, her first heartbreak, and for her wedding. Be a good male role model for her so she knows what to expect from men and would not settle for anything less. Don't let her settle for anything less. Actually, I wouldn't really be gone. I'll be forever in your heart. You'll see me in our daughter's eyes. She already looks and acts like me- so you'll see me in her everyday. '_

Needless to say, I cried for a good half an hour after reading the letter. I remind myself daily up till now to take good care of our daughter. I see Amelia in Charlotte everyday. Seeing Charlotte grow up to be a clone of her mother was bittersweet. In some ways, Amelia was never really gone.

* * *

Now back in the present- I beam proudly as I stand and watch Charlotte and David exchange vows and share their first kiss as husband and wife.

' Look at her , Mia' I think to myself. ' She's so beautiful, she looks just like you. You must be so proud of her and the woman she has become. I wish you were here today.'

* * *

As night comes, Charlotte and I share a father and daughter dance. I love dancing with her, I recall the many times we've danced together since she was a little girl, how I would twirl her around and she would giggle happily.

Today is different though, our dance is much more slow paced, as we hold on tight to each other, not wanting to let go.

I am briefly transported back to my own wedding night, when Amelia and I shared our first dance as husband and wife. I remember vividly her whispering into my ear that she was late and me not being able to concentrate on the rest of the dance after that. I remember us sitting in the bathroom when the night finally ended and looking at the positive tests. It was the happiest day of my life.

' You ok dad?' Charlotte transports me back to the present.

' Yes, I'm just recalling dancing at my wedding night with your mom.' I reply. ' We found out that she was pregnant you with that night.'

Charlotte suddenly stops dancing and takes my hands in hers.

' Dad, remember you always tell me that she's never really gone? She's always in our hearts.' she says. ' I think she's looking down and smiling at us from heaven.'

I smile down at her, feeling so proud for bringing up such a matured and perceptive young lady.

' Yes Char- she is looking down at us from heaven.' I agree.

And I believe so.

 **I hope you like it! Reviews and comments are very much appreciated! :)  
**


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